And that's exactly why your child should do something wrong! - Children and books

00:00:00: Music.

00:00:05: Hello and welcome to the children in books podcast today are looking on Rachel with me and we're talking about.

00:00:16: When mistakes are good to make and what do you guys think about mistakes.

00:00:25: Hello from life to it's a town where you can make mistakes I can tell you hello Rachel I love hello branko

00:00:37: yeah mistakes there you know the part of daily life monthly.

00:00:44: I think we don't like them they are very important that we go on,

00:00:51: because when we are looking at children it's totally interesting when I look my little neighbour then,

00:00:58: the most when she is developing orange she's crowing is when she makes something wrong when you get then she gets a reaction,

00:01:09: and this reaction is so important.

00:01:13: Yeah some mistakes maybe but you said mistakes important because of

00:01:20: trailer narrow you try something and you see that's not right and you start over again it tried another way maybe like this and I think

00:01:31: the most supported part about mistakes as reflecting the moment and seeing what what is the good thing with making this mistake or what can I learn from this mistake.

00:01:41: Yeah that's that's exactly it isn't it's about being able to take something from the mistake that you've made a learn from it.

00:01:51: So is it you maybe do some do it differently in the future.

00:01:56: I can remember buying my teenage daughter a fridge magnet.

00:02:03: When she was she left home and gone to college and it said something like.

00:02:12: Always make mistakes yeah yeah ok.

00:02:21: An adventure do you remember a mistake you made in the last time if you like to share it where you learnt a lot from it gosh recently.

00:02:34: Yeah I mean I'm learning to to do some woodturning at the moment and have been happy learning for the past I don't know.

00:02:48: 6 months or so and yeah and there's a particular way that I've been told that I need to hold the tool.

00:02:57: A bit awkward holding it that way and you know.

00:03:03: And it wasn't until I've made the mistake and hurt myself that I that I realise actually holding at the other way was going to be was going to be better for me and I'll get better results they are,

00:03:17: yeah so it was important to go to see this to experience a bit this you can be,

00:03:29: you can be given an instruction.

00:03:31: Doesn't necessarily sound of computer doesn't go in until you actually try it and maybe steak and then you realise that's why

00:03:45: and so then you can you know so there's something about you know I don't know.

00:03:51: Not just knowing cognitively but physically as well as a reality about it that.

00:03:59: And I guess it's the same with with kind of mistakes around I don't know that you might make with.

00:04:07: You know in friendships or relationships or something like that might know theoretically.

00:04:15: But then still make the mistake and not understand it until you have the strong feeling that,

00:04:22: brings up for you and then you can learn from that no yeah actually I don't want that feeling again or you know that feeling was really uncomfortable so you know I won't be doing that saying that.

00:04:36: And I think this is a point by we can read a lot of books about how to live what would be better but we need to experience it to learn from all this little miss.

00:04:50: There's no no mess up for example for the life where it says which mistakes you shouldn't which you should have gone but mine was I was thinking about

00:05:04: you as a parent both of you and how did you.

00:05:09: Do you work mistakes about your children when your children and maybe something stupid or something like that mistake maybe.

00:05:18: How did you deal with an all managed to mistaken what was the feeling then.

00:05:29: I wasn't reaching well yeah that's a really interesting question because I think for me I was very aware about not wanting to make my children feel.

00:05:43: Any shame or or or any kind of uncomfortable feeling about making a mistake.

00:05:52: And so you know sometimes a reaction would come quickly.

00:05:58: And so I would also make mistakes you know in responding to my children making mistakes.

00:06:06: And so there's you know so there's many layers of learning four different people going on there but you know I don't think.

00:06:18: Sometimes in our Western culture we we don't do mistakes as good things we view them as bad things and we've been brought up that way and I think it's important

00:06:31: we kind of dispel that kind of myth really,

00:06:36: it's bad to make mistakes because how do we ever progress if we don't make mistakes and

00:06:45: you know so as a parent responding to two children making a mistake I would you no hope.

00:06:53: Most of the time I did it with with love,

00:06:56: and care and confirm you know because it might be that they put themselves in dangerous situation or it might be simple something simple like making a mess when do my homework.

00:07:10: But in places in.

00:07:13: I think you know I would very much want to respond in a in a caring and nurturing way to that they got the message that it's ok to make mistakes.

00:07:25: You know and you can go back and look at the mistake and think well what would I do differently next time.

00:07:36: Yeah I think it's I said I don't we are aware that is not

00:07:41: it's not possible to go with a child through the child without making mistakes so I think this is a main point and we can look and.

00:07:53: And be there with love

00:07:56: but with patients to end with awareness so we are looking is it really dangerous for the life to survive for the try it or not and if it isn't then the child can make mistakes and me I will react.

00:08:11: I think the reaction is not every time the perfect one but we are only human beings yeah.

00:08:20: But I think the,

00:08:23: mistakes in social lives are the most difficult because when we have got this technical mistakes like now we made this book Shawn Slavic languages

00:08:35: we haven't seen before that it's not possible to put someone on Amazon into technical thing,

00:08:42: we cannot solve it we need to find another solution but we can seek logical and find solution and finish very very good,

00:08:55: but when we have got this social

00:08:57: things together and I said sometimes I had some meat I don't know if it's mistakes but we had some

00:09:07: not misunderstandings with friends and that is the things which is going through the mind long and long and which is like very heavy 1-hour

00:09:20: yeah thank you very heavily seen yeah yes I recognise that as well and can identify with.

00:09:29: Yeah I didn't carry it since 3 weeks yeah maybe it wouldn't it's not necessary so much to be so this is so strong now.

00:09:40: Well I think it's going back to some of the things we've talked about before on these podcasts which is about compassion for oneself

00:09:47: yeah yeah and understanding you know again reflecting and understanding where the mistake came from.

00:09:56: And you no recognising that we're not perfect and you know and and being kind to oneself and forgiving oneself.

00:10:09: Yeah.

00:10:14: Yeah because there's nothing worse than that your head being full of

00:10:20: you know wishing that you hadn't said something or that you've said it differently and not being able to resolve that it just keeps going round and round.

00:10:29: Yeah.

00:10:31: 20 go back to the truth when we have got there a couple a lot a lot of social situation during a day every day.

00:10:40: So we're a lot of possibilities to make something wrong,

00:10:45: yeah but I think there's kind of technical mistakes that's about evolution in away isn't,

00:10:53: it's about we you know we haven't quite got there yet with the with the technology on Amazon and the Kindle and stuff like that to accommodate yeah,

00:11:05: all these different languages and to having you know.

00:11:09: Like you were saying the technology is there on on the Kindle Fire but it's not on the Kindle Paperwhite and so,

00:11:19: that's that's how we progress and that's a really good way of looking at mistakes isn't it yeah yeah.

00:11:28: Actually making a mistake stopping thinking reflecting.

00:11:35: Can movers on a little bit further along that part of you know whether it's technological innovation and development or whether personal.

00:11:48: Understand yeah and it's similar

00:11:53: yeah I think if we had and ending in this social life to if I think one of those tonight singers when we had some misunderstanding with somebody if we can talk about together because then we don't reflect we can reflect on our own words

00:12:12: going through the mind all the time but if you can reflect together this is a very very touching situation.

00:12:22: Yeah that's so important isn't it because because that's what enables.

00:12:29: You to resolve because you're you're able to talk about and discuss.

00:12:40: What happened and you know and if the two people involved you know open-hearted enough to be able to listen to one another and listen to each.

00:12:51: Yeah shadow without the judgement.

00:12:58: Then yeah you know just then the compassion the space for the compassion to come in there.

00:13:07: What's the interesting with reflecting with someone else and the the mistake you or he or she may is that relationships on made of

00:13:17: experiences you make together and I think that's a wonderful experience of resolving in problem or resolving something like this which also,

00:13:26: underlies

00:13:28: underlines our statement that mistakes or something great and can in which US if we know how to handle mistakes yeah very good

00:13:40: yeah I think you're absolutely spot-on there branko when you know when I do work with children and families

00:13:49: you know I often say to the to the parents it's really important that we make mistakes because we learn from them but also when we do make mistakes but we're able to

00:14:02: and say sorry to our children and repair the

00:14:08: the little chink in the relationship that happened so if we did something to her two child and we said something to her to child then you know because of our.

00:14:20: And then it's really important when we realise that to go back and see say sorry and acknowledge it.

00:14:30: The growth that is in the repair of that relationship as you say Blanco in Riches because it kind of gives another Depp.

00:14:39: To the to the relationship yeah yeah I will take this is a very very super point at the end.

00:14:49: I do there's nothing more to be said stuck on but I think it's a very important point to be able to do it to the old pen.

00:15:01: To talk with children about your own mistakes about their mistakes I think this is what's what counts.

00:15:09: Yeah internet I would say goodbye to all our listeners 14 goodbye.

00:15:19: Goodbye.

00:15:20: Music.